It started with a genuine question in a midsingles group: When someone is losing interest, what signs do you usually notice?
The author shared her own experience. She had been talking to a man she hadn't yet met in person. The energy shifted. He became pushy. He started acting like he was in charge of her, giving her little assignments, trying to lock things down before they had even shared a cup of coffee. Her attraction shut off. She blocked him.
His response to the block? He hunted her down across every conceivable platform—professional email, Instagram, WhatsApp, other phone numbers—until she finally had to threaten legal action for harassment.
She asked the group: Should I have told him directly that I was no longer interested before blocking? Or is blocking acceptable when someone is already making you uncomfortable?
The comments section erupted. It was a fascinating collision of the "Clear is Kind" camp and the "Safety First" camp. Some called her rude and passive-aggressive for not giving him an explanation. Others validated her intuition, pointing out that his subsequent stalking proved exactly why she felt the need to block him in the first place.
Scott and Laurie read the whole thing. They have thoughts.
The Open Loop of the Unexplained Block
Scott
Here is what we notice when this debate comes up: we tend to build our rules around the worst-case scenario.
When the author blocked this man, she was responding to a feeling that his energy was pushy. That is a valid boundary. But the block—without any prior communication—created an open loop. And human beings, both men and women, are wired to seek resolution.
When resolution is denied without explanation, some people spiral. They try to figure out what happened. They reach out on another app, hoping the message just didn't go through, or wanting to apologize for whatever they might have done wrong. The vast majority of the time, this is not predatory behavior. It is a confused, well-intentioned person trying to make sense of sudden silence.
The author admitted something crucial in the comments: "If I had been more clear with him, I don't think he would have gone ballistic."
That is the quiet truth here. A brief, clear message—"I don't think we're a match, I wish you well"—does two things. It honors the good men who simply need a clear answer to move on gracefully. And it establishes an unambiguous record of your stated disinterest, which is actually more protective if someone does escalate, because it removes any plausible deniability.
The block-first approach, paradoxically, can be the less safe option. Not because the man is dangerous, but because the silence manufactures the very ambiguity that drives anxiety.
The Cost of "Clear is Kind"
Laurie
Scott is right about the open loop. But I also want to hold space for why women hesitate to send that clear message.
I read the comments from the women who have learned, the hard way, that a soft "no" can be dangerous. One woman wrote, "I’ve had a man escalate as far as slashing my tires after I blocked him and didn’t explain why. So when women say we’re thinking about safety, we’re not being dramatic."
There is a real asymmetry of fear in modern dating. Women carry statistically grounded safety concerns that men largely do not. When I see men in the comments demanding explanations and calling women immature for ghosting, I want to gently ask them to pause and consider the gap in our lived experiences. For a man, an unexplained block might feel like a bruised ego. For a woman, it is often a protective mechanism. It is a trauma response.
We are raised in a culture that tells us to be nice, to be accommodating, to manage other people's emotions at the expense of our own intuition. If your body is telling you that the energy is pushy, entitled, or unsafe, you do not need to stick around to gather empirical evidence. You are allowed to trust it.
The Difference Between Ghosting and Guarding
Scott
So how do we hold both of these truths? How do we honor a woman's absolute right to safety while also honoring the basic human decency of clear communication?
We have to distinguish between ghosting and guarding your perimeter.
Ghosting is disappearing on someone you have established a mutual connection with. If you've been on four dates and you vanish, that is poor behavior. It leaves a mess of unnecessary hurt.
But if you are talking to a stranger on an app and they make you uncomfortable? That is where guarding your perimeter begins.
The healthiest default is to send one clear, firm message: "I am no longer interested in pursuing this. Please do not contact me again."
Laurie
Exactly. You send the message, and then you block if you need to.
You do not owe them a debate. You do not owe them a detailed critique of their behavior so they can argue with your perception. You simply state the boundary.
If they respect it, the loop is closed. If they ignore it and try to find you on Instagram or LinkedIn, they have crossed from confusion into entitlement. At that point, a full-on block is not just acceptable; it is necessary.
Gentlemen, if you want women to be direct with you, you have to be the kind of man who makes it safe for her to say no. And ladies, if we want men to respect our boundaries, we have to be willing to clearly state them before we build the wall.
- Scott & Laurie
Weighing in from the lowest tier of the Celestial Kingdom, where we finally understood that a clear boundary is the kindest thing you can give someone, even if they don't like the shape of it.